My off day today. Past 2 days was a terrible. Quarrels & more with Teo. Well I don't know, whatever he do, it just seems to pissed me off. Sometimes I ask myself, do I really love him still, or feelings fading away. Sorry to be so straight forward here, if you see this. Last time whenever I'm with him, I don't have this weird feeling. Well guess it's because I'm still angry with what he did, my mouth said yes I've forgiven him, but I guess my heart says no to my mouth. So afraid we won't go on long.
Will we be like the past? Your actions makes me think alot. Yes I guess I'm angry & jealous. You're lazy, always thinking of having fun, sometimes you just don't think about how I'm feeling.
When I'm sick you hesitate whether to come down & visit me. But when your sister calls for you saying she's sick, when she told me she was drunk, you went down immediately. This prove how much fun means to you. Having fun means much more then me. Don't tell me you didn't have fun the whole day, I bet you were. When you guys laugh & joke, I catch nothing. You said I don't laugh at your jokes while they do. You having fun almost everyday, while me working almost everyday. Why ain't you the one who's working while me having fun? Life just so different from others.
I'm breaking down soon, I need someone to talk to, but I haven't found the perfect one to talk to. Smiling still, with a broken heart though. Deep down in me, I've not forgiven you at all.
So many things to say, but just how can I explain what's in me?